At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
