I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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