South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
