She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
