The maid of honor just puked.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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