i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
