Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
