i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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