I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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