can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize