hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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