I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
