Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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