i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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