Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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