If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
