Someone shit on the floor
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
