Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
