college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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