my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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