the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He kissed a someone with a penis
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
