I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
