Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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