Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
And then my night got REAL pukey
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
