i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
