So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
