Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize