She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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