also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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