I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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