She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
