don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
