Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
