Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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