Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
