LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
