Me. At least after what I've been through.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Houston, we have a blender
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just blew my weed a kiss
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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