I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
