Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
