I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
