oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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