I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
