I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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