If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize