I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
