I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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