Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This is classic penis vs brain.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
