Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
