so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
