Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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