i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
