a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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