the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
