i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
