Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
