His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
