i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
