from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
