did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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