So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i think im in europe. pls send help
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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