I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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