I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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