I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
