A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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