There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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