Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
