16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize