Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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