Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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