Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize