Pants 0. Shit 1.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
