Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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