don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
