thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
