see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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